Mother-in-law and daughters-in-law workshop in Tanahu

 

Slisha conducted a workshop on November 25, 2024, in the Tanahun district as part of the WAWCAS program. It was a significant and emotional experience for both the mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law who attended. The workshop brought together 20 pairs from 10 groups.

The introduction began with mothers-in-law sharing their thoughts about their daughters-in-law, highlighting the behaviors they appreciate and those they find challenging. Similarly, the daughters-in-law expressed their feelings about their mothers-in-law, mentioning both the behaviors they admire and those they wish to see improved. The atmosphere in the room was filled with fun and laughter as participants reflected on positive aspects and areas for improvement in their relationships.

It was discussed that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is very sensitive and crucial, why most mothers-in-law struggle to see their daughters-in-law as their own daughters, and why most daughters-in-law face challenges in accepting their mothers-in-law as their own mothers. It was also shared that normally if the son-in-law supports her daughter then the mother seems to be very happy and proud saying that my son in law is a model but if her son helps or supports her daughter in law then the same woman will complain and say that her son is “Joitingre” (wife’s servant). Why is that?

Participants were divided into six small groups and asked to identify the root causes for the difficulty in accepting mothers-in-law as one’s own mother and daughters-in-law as one’s own daughter.

They presented several insightful points, such as:

• Mothers-in-law often focus on finding faults and fail to show love and care.
• They are frequently dissatisfied, making it challenging to accept them as a mother figure.
• Similarly, daughters-in-law do not show care, listen to what their mothers-in-law say, and speak rudely, which causes hurt feelings.
• There is often a lack of understanding regarding each other’s needs, making acceptance as family members difficult.

These dynamics contribute to the challenges in forming strong family bonds.

To illustrate the difficulty of changing mindsets, the group engaged in a game that demonstrated how challenging—but possible—transformative change can be.

In working groups, the participants explored the roles and responsibilities they should assume to foster healthier relationships, agreeing that peace and harmony in the household are only possible through intentional behavior changes.

The workshop concluded with the deepest commitments from both sides such as;

Daughter-in-laws committed to:

• Treat all guests and relatives with respect.
• Listen carefully when my mother-in-law speaks.
• Take good care of my in-laws when they are sick.
• Avoid complaining about minor issues to my parents when I visit them or they visit.
• Never speak rudely to my in-laws.

Mothers-in-law committed to:

• I will share my feelings openly when something affects me.
• I will not take my daughter-in-law’s mistakes too seriously.
• I will treat my daughter-in-law equally, just like other family members.
• I will communicate warmly and affectionately.
• I will refrain from complaining to outsiders about my daughter-in-law’s behavior.

Each participant took these commitments as oaths, pledging to work toward a more peaceful and respectful family environment.

Before concluding the session, participants were asked to indicate on the mood chart how much they would change their behaviors according to the oath taken.